It is not what gets ranked, it’s what gets thanked.
- Feedback is all of the information about you.
- Feedback is how leaders get the best out of their people and how people get the best out of their leaders.
- In any exchange between the giver and receiver, the receiver is who is in charge.
- Feedback sits at two human needs: learn and grow, the need to be accepted or respected or loved the way we are now.
- Some of the most important things in life come out of our most painful conversations.
Types of feedback:
- Appreciation: this says, “I see you, you matter.” This is about noticing people and what they do, this is a high need for people. This keeps us motivated.
- Coaching: anything that helps you get better or learn something. This could be mentoring, advice or direction. This helps us get better.
- Evaluation: rates or ranks you. It tells you how you are doing and what to expect. This helps us know how we’re doing.
- 93% of workers feel under appreciated at work. It is the #1 reason people leave a job.
- You can’t mix up coaching and evaluation because you evaluation is the most emotionally charged and if you mix this up, you won’t learn and grow
Why do you reject feedback:
- It was wrong, bad advice. They don’t understand what I do.
- I didn’t respect them, like them or trust them.
- They were phony.
- Not aligned with my values.
- I was too stubborn.
- I was in love (or so I thought).
- Getting better at receiving feedback does not mean you need to take the feedback.
- Three triggered reactions: truth triggers, relationship triggers (who’s giving feedback), and identity triggers (this is the story you tell about who you are).
- The most important skill in receiving feedback is not deciding about the feedback, but trying to figure out what the giver of feedback needs.
- After you discern what they are trying to tell you, then you can decide what to do with it.
- Blind spots we have when we give feedback: facial expressions, tone of voice, body language, patterns of behavior and how you impact others.
- If feedback is holding up a mirror: there is the supportive mirror and an honest mirror. To grow you must ask for the honest mirror (is there anything right about this feedback? Is there anything I should be working on?).
- The fastest way to change the feedback culture in an organization is for the leaders to get better at receiving feedback.
- The key to getting valuable feedback is to ask: what is one thing you particularly appreciate about me (this helps you to be seen and the positive impact you are making) and what is one thing you see me doing or failing to do that you think I should change or is getting in the way of my success?
Great insight about communication!