Global Leadership Summit 2015 Session 3: Brene Brown
I want to tell you a story about vulnerability, shame, rising strong and love.
My husband and I were going to pool our vacation and rent a vacation house on Lake Travis.
Steve and I met when we were competitive swimmers. Steve still swims; I’m a shame researcher.
I look at Steve and say, “I’m so happy right now. I feel so connected to you.” He says, “Yep. Water’s great.” It happens again.
The gift of mid-life is that you can play the tape to the end.
What is the emotion that we feel when we make a bid for emotion and that emotion is pushed away? Shame.
Here we are in this perfect shame storm.
The #1 shame issue for women is appearance and body image. The #1 shame issue for men is appearance and weakness.
The biggest perpretator of shame for men is women.
How many of you have shared your vulnerable about yourself with someone and then they use it against you?
We want more love, more intimacy, more joy but the only path to those things is more vulnerability.
Our brain is neuro-biologically hard-wired in the moment that something happens to make up a story about what is happening. The brain rewards you whether it is accurate or not.
The stories we make up have good guys, bad guys, safe people and dangerous people. Limited data points filled in with values and conceals is called a conspiracy.
Fast Company and Ed Catmull – Creativity Inc – the middle space when you’ve started something where you’re not done but you can’t go back. In the military it’s the point of no return.
Who you are in that space (the middle space) is where leadership is born, that’s where courage is forged.
Act 1 – The character starts a journey; Act 2 – The character tries everything to get the job done; Act 3 – The character gets the job done.
I’m so good payback. I’m really good at self-righteousness, the better than…
What happened on the swim back was what I’ve learned from Rising Strong.
The reckoning, the rumble, the resolution
What do transformational leaders share in common? 1) They do discomfort. 2) They have absolute emotional awareness of their own life and those around them. You can’t ignore it. We’re not thinking beings that sometimes feel. We’re emotional beings that sometimes think. Speak to their emotions first.
Curiousity and lines of inquiry are the greatest tools for leaders.
We have to rumble with emotion. We need to walk in and get brave talking about discomfort.
“In our culture, we clap for the truth.”
You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you can’t have both.
Our check-in with our leadership team: what do you need to rumble today?
Our worthiness as people live inside these stories. When we pretend the hard things aren’t happening, we deny. When we own the stories, we get to write the ending.
Courage is uncomfortable, that’s why it’s rare.
The bravest among us will always be the most brokenhearted because we have the courage to love. Those of us who have the courage to care will always know disappointment. Those who have the courage to try new things will always know the pain of failure.
If you’re brave enough, often enough, you are going to fail. What I can tell you from my life, there is nothing more dangerous to the critic and cynics than those who’re willing to fail.